


Disbanded

by kokoro_no_tenshi_2



Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 07:42:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13829610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokoro_no_tenshi_2/pseuds/kokoro_no_tenshi_2
Summary: Weiss disbands; Omi takes charge of Kritiker with Youji at his side. Aya and Ken are each given new teams. Ken lucks out with his new team being amazing. Aya is not so lucky. Flash forward a few years; Ken, who is slightly despondent over his separation from Aya, is told that the redheaded swordsman has gone rogue after killing most of his new team. Only one member survives. Ken is asked to find Aya and finds that the man he fell in love with is injured, scared, and feels more than he's ever said...also; nothing is what it seems.





	Disbanded

**Disbanded**

 

Ken stared at Omi. The blonde wasn't serious...was he? Disband Weiss? What would they do? Ken's eyes moved to Aya, who seemed to be taking the news in stride. Was he really okay with this? Ken almost laughed at himself for even thinking Aya would care. The bastard didn't feel anything anyway so why should he care if the little group, that had become like a family to Ken over the years, was disbanded? Ken felt his shoulders droop...this couldn't be happening.

He barely listened as Omi described who their new teams would consist of. Youji would be the new liaison, taking over for Manx and Birman. Ken was now the leader of a group called Aoi, and Aya was to lead a group called Yuki, which consisted of some questionable people; well questionable to Ken since he hadn't met any of them personally. The fact that the same could be said of his _own_ team barely registered on the scale of doubts he had.

Due to some unforeseen circumstances Omi had had to disband the German named groups,shuffle their members and put everyone into new groups with Japanese names. Ken felt the name of his new team was appropriate since he was feeling pretty blue at the moment and he had issues with the color red. The same could be said for Aya as well. His whole personality was like ice covered with snow that had been frozen then...Ken sighed, that train of thought would never end.

He glanced over at Aya again and suppressed a shudder. Why the man was so cold he'd never know, but Ken was hopelessly and irreversibly in love with him. Before his sister had died in a car accident a scant few months after the defeat of Esset, Aya had seemed to be warming up to the others. Ken had seen him almost smile...almost. It was very close. Unfortunately he'd never see the other assassin smile. Hell, he rarely heard the man speak. The longest sentence he had heard the man utter in over three months was only three words long, and not even directed at him. Youji had been pestering the redhead, as was his norm, about being a cold bastard or a robot and Aya had turned, looked him in the eye and said _“Go fuck yourself.”_ Then he had calmly walked away and hadn't spoken a word since, but even so Ken loved him.

He'd figured it out a few years before they'd gone up against and defeated Schwartz and Esset. He and Aya had been alone in their old apartment. He'd been sitting on the floor playing a video game and binging on chips with Aya curled up in a chair behind him reading a book. After a few hours Ken had given up on his game and turned the infuriating thing off.

When he'd glanced up it was to see that Aya had fallen asleep with his head on the chair's armrest. In sleep; the man's normally expressionless face was relaxed and looked about five years younger. Ken had stared at him for what seemed like hours before turning back around and leaning against the chair. His head hit Aya's thigh and he felt the swordsman shift, but instead of pulling away Aya moved closer. Then Ken had felt the other man's long fingers stroking his hair. It was the most soothing thing Ken had ever felt in his entire life. He felt suffused with warmth as he sat there. The fingers in his hair eventually put him to sleep.

When he'd woken the side of his face had been resting against Aya's thigh and the redhead was awake, just sitting there reading his book and not seeming to care that Ken was using him as a pillow. Ken had just closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Aya's scent calmed parts of him he hadn't thought of in years. That was when he knew, without a doubt that he loved the man. It all went to shit after that. First Schwartz followed almost immediately by the appearance of Esset. After which came Aya-chan and Sakura's deaths. It was to be expected that everything happening seemingly at once was too much for Aya. So his retreat from Ken and the others wasn't surprising. The _lengths_ he went to do so _was_. And now the brunette didn't think he would ever get close again. He'd tried giving the swordsman a hug after the crash and it had been harder and colder than hugging stone. Every muscle in Aya's body had tensed at the contact. He hadn't pushed Ken away, but he hadn't taken the comfort Ken had been trying to give him.

Now here they were about to be separated for what was probably going to be forever, because the lord knew when he and Aya would see each other again. The swordsman wasn't known for being the kind of guy that hung out with friends. Ken felt like crying, This plan of Omi's was bull shit. It was stupid and...now everyone was staring at him like he'd gone completely insane. Crap, what had he said out loud. His cheeks flushed thinking of his mental declaration of love for Aya. “What part of my plan is stupid?” Omi asked a slightly hurt look on his cherubic face.

“The whole thing!!” Ken exploded. “Why fix a team that ain't broke.” He looked around helplessly. “I mean we work great together...don't we?”

“I think you missed the part when he said we were the only people he could trust to help him run things.” Youji drawled then glanced over at the subject of Ken's obsessive thoughts. “Do _you_ have a problem with Omi's plan Aya?” Aya looked be tween the three of them before shrugging. “Of course _you_ don't have anything to say.” Youji shook his head. “Fucking ice queen.” He muttered under his breath. Aya blinked at the comment, but didn't say anything.

“Ken, I really need your help with Aoi.” Omi sat next to him on the coach. “I think you need this too.” He leaned closer and whispered his next words. “He's broken Ken. You need to save your heart for someone who can actually love you back.” Ken nodded his understanding. He didn't question how Omi knew his feelings. The chibi had always been more perceptive than him and the others. Omi also had a point. Ken needed to get past his unrequited feelings for a man who seemed to be incapable of returning them.

 

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Aya felt as though he were drowning. Disbanded. New team. Snow. That's about all he understood right then. He stared at the ground struggling to keep his emotions in check and off his face. Not now. He couldn't do this now. Everything in his life was falling apart. How the fuck was he supposed to lead a brand new team when he could barely function himself? They assumed he didn't feel things the way they did, but they were wrong. He felt everything they did; he just had more control. If that made him seem cold then whatever. How he chose to express himself...or _not_ as was usually the case was _his_ problem; not theirs.

His eyes searched Omi's face for some sign that he was kidding, but he was out of luck. Omi was dead set on this new course of action...and if he was going to be honest with himself, which he almost never was, Aya had actually seen this coming. Both Omi and Youji had been slowly drawing away from him as he had retreated further into his inner hell. Ken was the only one who seemed to still give a damn about him, but Aya _could not_ open that door. Once open it was one that could never be shut again.

The brunette looked so anguished as he sat with Omi on the couch. The petite blonde glanced up at Aya briefly before leaning in and whispering something in Ken's ear. When the brunette nodded in response and Omi glanced over at Aya again _knew_. This was _it_. _The_ circle was broken. In his mind; he could hear someone screaming in both pain and denial. He knew it was the part of him where he sent every emotion he felt. The poor bastard in there was pretty much dying.

The inner bits of his soul were scary. He had basically created a whole world to compartmentalize his life to function. It wasn't the most _inviting_ of places and would probably frighten anyone else that saw it. It was a barren landscape soaked in the blood those he'd slain and the torment he live and breathed on a daily basis.

The part of his soul crying out was the conjured image of himself as he had been before Weiss. _Poor Ran_. He thought, lifting a mental katana. He wondered what would happen if he put the idiot out of his misery. Wasn't this why _Aya_ had been created in the first place? Ran couldn't handle life on his own, right? Or was he still Ran and all this torturing of his old self a bit weird? Because it _was_ him. Mental construct or not. This writhing whimpering human figure was the embodiment of his own emotions after all. What would happen if he killed that part of himself? Was there a way to just _silence_ it?

An open grave suddenly appeared next to him and his crouching, whiny, and bloody inner self as if in answer. He nudged his cadaverous self image into the hole with the toe of his boot-he always pictured himself in his mission garb-then buried it. With the screaming muffled; he allowed himself to return to the outside world, his mind slightly, more at peace.

Aya wondered how much time had passed. The three men that he had almost considered friends...one of which had the potential to be more. They were now joking and laughing, ignoring him completely, which wasn't surprising in the least, as common as it was. There was so much that he wanted to tell them, but couldn't. The words felt stuck somewhere between his diaphragm and mouth.

He slowly turned and left the room. If he was going to make it on this new path that Omi had put him on; he had preparations to make. He walked down the hall and into his room. There wasn't much to pack besides his clothes and weapons. Pulling a black duffle from beneath the bed he began the slightly painful task of removing his existence from the room.

As he lifted the last of his clothes out of the dresser a thin gold earring fell to the floor. The clothes dropped from suddenly numb fingers. He'd thought the earring lost. It was all he had left of the sister who's name he still used. It had been his own awkward way of keeping her spirit alive...then she had actually died and he lost any ability to see the point in still wearing it.

Slowly he reached down to retrieve the earring and, out of habit, he ran his thumb over the name engraved on the back... _Aya._ As if in a dream he felt himself putting the earring through the almost closed hole in his ear. The weight of the gold in his ear was more calming than the burial of his inner self.

He had been planning on discarding her sweet name, because he knew she wouldn't want it to be associated with what he had become. He now knew that he never could. Yes he had only taken her name to keep her alive, now he would keep it...to keep himself alive. He fingered the warm gold of the earring and took a deep breath. He would survive as he had always done since losing his family to Takatori. He would close himself off from the others and kill again and again until he had destroyed the evil in this world that he could. As long as he kept the part of him that was Ran safely locked away and buried he would be fine. Sure he wouldn't be happy, but did he really deserve to be?

 

**Betrayal-Three Years Later**

 

Ken stared at the two men standing in the apartment he shared with his team. He hadn't seen Omi in person for a few years, not since a couple months after Weiss had been disbanded. Youji he had seen on a pretty regular basis, since the tall blonde was his liaison to Omi.

He and his Aoi team worked in the Crescent Cafe beneath the apartment they shared for their cover. He had no idea where Aya was or what his team's cover was, but he thought about it often. Despite the almost four years of separation he was still deeply in love with the swordsman. He constantly worried if Aya was okay. He hoped Omi and Youji weren't about to tell him that Aya was dead. The three of them were alone in the living room after Omi had asked his teammates to leave.

“What's going on?” Ken asked finally, dreading the answer. His friends' looked so solemn.

“Abyssinian has gone rogue.” Omi said quietly. The brunette's eyes widened in shock at the accusation.

“What are you talking about?” He thought about what the redhead had been like a few years ago and shook his head. It didn't make sense to him. Aya was cold and uncaring, yes, but a traitor? Something didn't smell right.

“During his last mission two of the members of his team were killed. The third barely escaped with his life. He is in critical condition at one of our hospitals. When he was found he was only able to tell us of Abyssinian's betrayal before losing consciousness.” Youji held out a disc. “This is the only bit of security footage we could salvage from the building where the mission took place. The building was mostly destroyed upon completion of the mission. ”

Ken snatched the disc from his friend and ran to the computer. He opened the video from the disc and watched in horror as a redheaded swordsman slaughtered a man and a woman. “The two he just killed were codenamed Ocelot and Lynx. Mau is the one who survived.” Ken watched the clip jump to a second scene where Aya sliced up the back of a man. The blow sent the man flying out of a broken window. On screen Aya ran to it and leaped out before the screen turned to static. Ken bit his lip. That smell was getting worse by the second

“Are you sure it was Aya who attacked first?” He asked turning to face them. Omi and Youji shared a look. “I thought you trusted Aya.”

“I...used to.” Omi took a deep breath. “He's different now.”

“Different how?” Ken asked, his heart pounding in his throat.

“Its hard to explain, but in his team's last few missions some innocent bystanders were killed. In his report they aren't mentioned, but I spoke to Mau and he informed me that it was Aya who had killed them.”

“No.” Ken shook his head. “Aya wouldn't do that. He doesn't kill without a reason.”

“I wish that were still true-”

“Omi, you gave him that team because you trusted him right?”

“Yes, but-”

“Did you trust the other members?”

“Not at the time, but-”

“Then what makes you believe what this Mau has to say over what you know about Aya?” Ken crouched in front of Omi so that they were eye to eye. “I know you have a lot on your plate Omi. I know running Kritiker is hard and it's difficult to know who to trust. I trust _my_ team, but you _know_ Aya doesn't trust anyone except you, me, and Youji.” Ken stood. “I'll find Aya for you. Just don't believe everything Mau tells you...or that video. You have no evidence of who started what.”

“How will you find him?” Youji asked, a frown marring his handsome brow.

“I think I know where he may have gone, if I'm wrong then I'll keep looking.” Ken shrugged. “Look into what really happened to the bystanders. I don't trust whoever this Mau is. I know Aya can be cold and distant, but his moral compass isn't that much different from ours. Even at his darkest he's never gone off script. You owe it to Aya to not jump to conclusions.”

“You're right.” Omi heaved a great sigh. “I don't know why I thought...” He trailed off with a frown. “I need to look into this.”

“I'll help you.” Youji smiled putting an arm around the small blonde's shoulders. Ken smiled inwardly. _Looks like the two of them finally got together_ , he mused. After talking for a bit more his two friends left to talk with the rest of Aoi. Ken went to his room to get ready. He hadn't lied to Youji when he'd said he thought he knew where Aya had gone. There was only one place he could think of that the redhead might go to. It wouldn't be his sister's grave. That was too obvious and out in the open. Ken pulled on his bugnuks, grabbed a bag that had some clothes and a first aid kit in it then ran to his car. It would take him a few hours, but soon he would see the man of his dreams.

 

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Ken stared up at the boarded windows of the last place he had called home. It was the only place he'd ever been happy. The Koneko stood abandoned looking in front of him. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat and went into the alley. His eyes widened in shock. The door into the apartment was hanging open and there was blood smeared across the front of it. Ken forgot everything else and ran inside. Aya was hurt! As he searched the empty rooms something nagged at his brain. Something important. It wasn't until the cold steel touched his throat that he remembered. _Oh yeah, Aya gets irritated and paranoid when he's hurt._ “Aya?” Ken's voice cracked. “Its just me, just Ken.” He hoped that would calm the other man down, but the katana at his throat didn't move. He tried turning, but the steel tightened against his throat.

“Don't.” A deep voice hissed in his ear. Aya's voice was rough and sounded tired, but it was his. Ken closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Under the smell of blood he caught Aya's unique scent. The one that had always made the brunette dizzy with emotion.

“Aya, how bad are you hurt?”

“Hn.” Was the only response Ken got before something crashed into the side of his head. Everything went black. The next thing he knew he was waking up tied to a chair. He shook his head to clear the fog before taking in his surroundings. There was blood everywhere and surgical equipment. He caught sight of Aya standing with his back to a mirror stitching up a rather nasty looking gash on his shoulder blade.

“I could've helped you with that you know.” Ken frowned. Aya's amethyst eyes met his in the mirror. Ken felt his blood freeze at what he saw there. There was no warmth, no light...just nothing. They were completely empty of anything that could even remotely resemble any kind of emotion. Predatory. Like a shark. For a split second it made him wonder if maybe he had been wrong and the others...no. He wouldn't think like that. Ken shook his head as Aya returned to his stitching. The brunette took that opportunity to look him over.

Aya had gotten thinner and there were ugly gashes and scars all up his arms and on his torso. All the ones Ken could see had already been stitched up, and there was something odd about them...as though they had been deliberately placed. They weren't random defensive wounds. The more Ken saw the more he knew. He didn't have to see the marks around Aya's wrists to know that he had been tortured. “Did Mau do that to you?” The brunette asked quietly. A look of surprise flickered briefly across Aya's face, so fast that Ken almost missed it.

“Hn.” The redhead grunted. Ken let his head fall back against the chair. It wouldn't _kill_ the other man to tell him what had happened nor would talking be torture...in that moment Ken realized what the marks were. Whip marks. He gasped his eyes widening.

“What the hell did they do to you?!” Ken struggled against his bonds; just wanting desperately to give his friend a hug. Aya turned to face him, his face expressionless...eyes empty. It was almost like looking at a corpse, which frightened Ken a little. No one living should have eyes like that and the fact that this was his friend broke his heart.

He began to cry. Those bastards. He knew just one person couldn't have done this to Aya. No wonder Aya had killed them, too bad Mau was still alive. He couldn't imagine the hell Aya had gone through and he felt horrible for not being there for him. As Aya walked towards him Ken could see more whip marks; each one in a different stage of the healing process; so it was obvious he had been hit more than once.

Ken sobbed brokenly. _He_ had let this happen. Omi and Youji had let this happen. They had all abandoned Aya and the swordsman was the one who had paid the price. “I'm so sorry Aya.” Ken whispered. “I let this happen to you, I wasn't-” A stinging pain on his cheek made him look up. Aya had slapped him?

“Stop.” Aya said harshly. That's when Ken saw the bite marks on his chest and neck. His eyes widened in dawning horror.

“Did they r-” A hand silenced him, covering his mouth. Aya's face was inches from his.

“Don't.” The swordsman hissed. Ken shook him off, suddenly angry.

“Stop what? Don't what?” He spat. “Will you please talk in complete sentences for God's sake?!” Aya straightened and moved away from him to rummage in a black duffle bag. For a split second Ken thought he was going to get tortured, but Aya just pulled out some clothes and left the room.

 

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He'd seen. He knows I'm not as strong as he thought. Aya thought, panic fluttering in his chest as he stood in the shower and washed the blood from his body. When it had been happening Aya hadn't been able to bring himself to care too much, but now...he didn't want that pity. He didn't want to feel as dirty as he did in that moment. Almost as though his soul was even more tainted than it already had been.

Aya shook his head and turned off the water. He couldn't stay here. Ken had already found him and he had no idea when the other two would figure it out. For now, though, he needed to figure out what to do with the brunette. Killing him wasn't an option...never had been. He knew he could never bring himself to kill Ken, since a small part of him still loved the other man. A part he had buried deep...at least that's what he kept telling himself anyway. Seeing Ken after three plus years of sheer hell made feelings bubble back up to the surface. He touched the golden earring hanging from his lobe to try and calm his racing heart.

Aya quickly got dressed and returned to where he'd left Ken. He hated seeing him tied up, but Aya wasn't sure who's side Ken was on at the moment. Omi could have turned the man against him. Mau had poisoned his and Youji's opinions of him so he knew he had to find out what the brunette wanted before he could free him. It hurt to talk though, so it would have to wait. He'd disabled all Ken's devices so that no one could track him here, but if Ken had found him this quickly then it was only a matter of time until the others did. He had to find a safer place and now he had to decide if he was going to leave Ken or take him along.

“So what now Aya?” Ken asked. There was anger in his brown eyes. “You going to kill me?” Aya shook his head. “You going to torture me for information?” Aya didn't even dignify that with a response. His throat felt like it was on fire so he knew his vocal cords were damaged from Mau's torture. To what extent he had no idea. Talking was out of the question. Not that Aya had ever been much of a conversationalist, but it was frustrating to not be able to say what he wanted, like _I love you please stop looking at me like that._ Well even if his voice worked he wouldn't have been able to say that, but he felt it. He decided to just ignore Ken for now as he started putting his stuff away. When he saw the syringe in the first aid kit he knew what he was going to do. With his back to Ken he carefully filled it with a powerful sedative then walked over to Ken, hiding it behind his back. Ken watched him warily.

“What are you doing?” The brunette asked, his voice full of mistrust. Aya stared into his eyes for a long moment. They were beautiful...Ken's eyes. So full of warmth. Aya gave into the weakness within him and pressed his lips to the other man's. Ken gasped in surprise his mouth opening. Aya plunged his tongue into it hungrily. Ken tasted of coffee and some kind of mint.

The swordsman took the syringe and slid it into Ken's arm. The older man flinched then began to struggle. Aya pulled away wishing he could voice the words he wanted to say. He dropped the syringe to the floor with a clatter, not wanting it anymore and he was sure the other man felt betrayed. He moved to the brunette's lap relaxing into the warmth of Ken's chest, a warmth he had been missing for years. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, but he refused to let them fall.

“Aya?” Ken's voice slurred his name. Aya just listened to the beat of his heart slow. When Ken went limp he stood and untied the older man. He wanted Ken with him. The redhead didn't want to be alone anymore and he didn't want Ken to hate him.

 

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Ken woke tied to a different chair in a different room. He groaned as he lifted his head to look around. Aya sat on the floor a little ways away from him bent over a laptop. As Ken stared at him he remembered the kiss. His face flushed and he quickly looked away from his friend. What did that kiss even mean? He could remember Aya crawling into his lap and resting his head against the brunette's chest. What was going on? He chanced a glance at Aya to see that the man had moved and was nowhere in sight.

“Aya?” He asked looking around warily. “What are you doing?” Aya came back into view carrying a notepad and pen. Ken looked up at him in confusion. _You thirsty?_ Was written on the pad Aya held out to him. Ken nodded after thinking about it for a moment. Aya dropped the notepad onto the bed and disappeared again. He was back a minute later with a bottle of water and a protein bar. After helping him drink Aya held up the protein bar. “No thanks.” Ken replied to the unasked question. Aya shrugged then ate it himself, washing it down with the rest of the water from the bottle. Ken noticed he winced slightly with each swallow. “Aya, what's going on? Why am I tied up?” Aya grabbed the pen and pad.

_I don't want to fight you._ Ken stared at the written reply for a moment before sighing.

“I don't want to fight you either Aya, and that doesn't answer my question. Why am I tied up?” Ken almost laughed as Aya let out a huff of frustration and began writing again. He couldn't remember a time when he had found the swordsman more adorable than he did in that moment.

_What will you do if I untie you?_ Ken pondered the question for a moment.

“If you untie me we can have this conversation like two civilized adults.” Ken replied. Aya snorted. “Look Aya, I don't know what the hell is going on. All I do know is that Omi and Youji came by and told me you'd gone rogue. Mau survived-” Aya froze. “-your attempt to kill him and has been saying that you've killed innocent bystanders on missions. I offered to find you on the condition that they wouldn't trust what Mau said and investigate those deaths more carefully. They agreed.” Ken took a deep breath and continued.

“I thought you might go back to the Koneko because that's where I'd go. I never wanted to fight with you, I was only looking for answers. What I found was a man I consider one of my best friends who had been tortured and probably rap-”

With a barely audible cry Aya lunged forward clapping a hand over Ken's mouth. That was when Ken saw the marks around Aya's neck. Thin bruises crisscrossed the skin. Bruises that looked like they could have been made by a wire weapon similar to Youji's. Ken knew if it had been Youji's weapon Aya wouldn't have a head. Aya glared at him and shook his head fiercely. So he was in the denial stage and didn't want Ken to point out what he thought happened.

Ken sighed behind the swordsman's cold hand then noticed that Aya was straddling his lap. The brunette shifted uncomfortably. As much as he desired Aya in that way and had imagined similar situations to this in his weaker moments; he didn't actually _want_ to get an erection while he was tied up and at the younger man's mercy; well not like this anyway. Aya was obviously hurting and not just physically. He also knew Aya could be vindictive as hell and if he felt Ken was getting turned on he would react in one of two ways. He'd either be disgusted or he'd kill Ken outright. There was a third reaction Ken thought of, but he didn't think Aya would do that. The swordsman wasn't a tease like _some_ people he could name.

After glaring for a few more seconds Aya let go and climbed off his lap. “So are you going to untie me or what?” Ken asked. “This is getting really uncomfortable.” Aya frowned at the ties binding Ken to the chair. “I won't hurt you, I swear.” Ken really wanted to get this point through the swordsman's head. Aya sighed then pulled a folded knife from his pocket and cut away the ties around Ken's wrists and ankles then backed away as the brunette stood. Ken carefully massaged feeling back into his hands then his feet. Aya watched him warily. “Has it really been so long that you don't trust me anymore?” Ken asked sadly. Aya shrugged picking up his pad and pen.

_I don't know who to trust right now._ He wrote. Ken walked slowly towards him holding out his hands. Aya backed away until he hit the wall. Ken stopped quickly so that his friend wouldn't feel trapped and lash out.

“Aya...I trust you.” Ken said carefully. “I know you don't kill people unless you have a reason. Omi needs to know what happened so he can put Mau in a body bag.”

_But he put me with them in the first place._ Aya wrote quickly and held up the notepad like a shield. That was true, but the redhead was forgetting a lot about their friend's character.

“I don't think Omi would have put you with them if he knew what they were like.” Ken replied. “He wouldn't do that to you. What he probably wanted was another strong team to take out the bad guys. He just didn't know your team was already full of them.” Aya's hands began to shake. Ken gently took the pad and set it on the floor. He then wrapped his hands around Aya's and pulled him forward. The swordsman balked at first but when Ken's arms surrounded him he seemed to melt a little. He was still tense, but not like the first time Ken had tried to give him a hug. “Nothing that happened is your fault you know?” Ken whispered stroking the younger man's crimson hair. “I know you don't want to talk about it, and I wont force you.” He said quickly as Aya tensed. “I just want you to know that its not your fault.” Aya stayed tense so Ken sighed and let go of him.

“How's your throat?” Aya shrugged. “Does it hurt to talk?” The swordsman nodded. Ken picked up the notepad and handed it to him. Aya's hand trembled slightly as he took it making Ken want to hold him again. Hold him and never let go. “I need to call Omi or he's going to come looking and when they find all the blood at the Koneko and neither of us there they'll think the worst.” Aya nodded then walked over to a briefcase and pulled out a phone. “Does it have a scrambler?” Aya inclined his head in the affirmative. Ken took the phone and carefully dialed Omi's private line. The blonde picked up on the first ring. “Omi, its Ken.”

“Oh thank God!” His friend exclaimed. “Are you okay? There was a lot of blood at the old place.”

“I'm fine, not a scratch on me.” Ken replied. He glanced at Aya who hadn't moved. He went over to a window on the opposite side of the room, which turned out to be a door that led onto a small outdoor balcony. Ken slipped outside closing the door behind him. “Aya's hurt pretty bad Omi.”

“What?!” Omi cried. “You can't tell from the tape. Is he going to be okay?”

“I don't know yet, I mean he'll live, but...” Ken trailed of not knowing how to continue. “They tortured him Omi, and not just once. There's scars all over him from whips and teeth and I think they raped him.” He said the last part as quiet as he could so that Aya wouldn't hear. “He won't tell me what happened because his throat is too damaged and we both know he's a stubborn bastard. I don't know what this Mau told you but the guy needs to be in a body bag not in some cushy hospital bed.” Omi was quiet for a long time before Ken heard him begin to sob quietly and Youji came on the line.

“What happened?” The older man asked quietly. Ken repeated what he'd told Omi. Youji swore. “I knew something was wrong with them I just couldn't figure it out. Why didn't he tell me?”

“You know how he likes to deal with shit” Ken sighed. “Besides, he can't really talk right now and I don't know how long his throat has been damaged.”

“So how are you communicating with him?”

“Pen and paper.”

“You're with him?” Youji asked in surprise.

“Yeah.” Ken laughed. “He kind of kidnapped me.”

“What?!”

“I'll explain more later, but I need to get off the line now.”

“Wait. Mau is gone. He left the hospital as soon as he woke up and learned we were looking for Aya; not putting a hit on him.” Youji swore again. “Take care of him Ken and bring him in if you can. We don't want anything more to happen.”

“Okay.” Ken replied and hung up. Mau was free. _Shit_. Ken walked back into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Aya was curled up in the center of it sleeping. The brunette smiled softly and reached down to stroke the younger man's crimson hair. Aya whimpered and turned away. Ken felt his heart twinge. How could this have happened? How could they have abandoned Aya like this?

He knew what Omi was going through right now and didn't envy him.. The young leader of Kritiker was the one who had put Aya on that team in the first place. Ken didn't know the reasoning behind the decision, but he knew the little blonde was blaming himself. Ken hated that he hadn't stood his ground to keep Weiss from being disbanded.

Aya sat up suddenly, startling Ken. The redhead's amethyst eyes were wide and alert. His head was cocked as if he was listening to something. Ken listened hard, but couldn't hear anything. “Aya?” The swordsman held a finger to his lips then slipped from the bed and ghosted across the room. He moved with a grace Ken envied. He watched Aya lift his katana. That was when Ken heard the scraping. It sounded like someone was trying to pick the lock. Suddenly there was a burst of drunken laughter from the other side of the door.

“This is the wrong room baby.” A woman giggled. “Your key won't fit.”

“I'll show you how it fits.” A man laughed. Then they were gone, stumbling loudly down the hall. Ken relaxed, but Aya still seemed wary. After almost ten minutes Aya finally put his sword away. He picked up the notepad and wrote down a message.

_We aren't safe here. What did Omi say?_

“Not much, he broke down on the phone.” Ken replied with a sigh. “Youji asked me to bring you in, but only if you want to.” He added quickly when Aya's eyes narrowed. “He wants us safe.” Ken took a deep breath then dropped the bomb. “Mau left the hospital. He's free.” Aya stared at him. His breathing had stopped. “Aya?” Ken started walking towards him. He saw the redhead's eyes roll back then he collapsed on the floor. “AYA!!”

 

**Healing Touches**

 

Aya opened his eyes slowly. He was no longer in the hotel. He kept still and looked around carefully. Where the hell was he? He wasn't tied down, and this room wasn't in a hospital. When he saw Ken sleeping in a chair next to him he relaxed. The brunette must have brought him somewhere safe. His bandages had been changed and his throat felt a lot better. Ken stirred slightly then opened his eyes. “Thank God.” Ken exclaimed. “When you passed out like that I didn't know what to do.”

“Where am I?” Aya asked. His voice came out in a rasp, but at least it didn't hurt as bad.

“I had to bring you to a doctor.” Ken shifted uncomfortably. “Your stitches opened and you know I can't-”

“Where. Am. I.” Aya enunciated each word with exaggerated slowness.

“My room with Aoi.” Ken flinched away from the glare Aya leveled at him. “I didn't know where else to bring you, Aya! You were bleeding so I brought you to the safest place I could think of. Dr. Nakamura stitched you back up and drained the blood that was making your throat hurt and-” Aya held up a hand cutting him off mid-sentence. The brunette meant well and he didn't have the same paranoia Aya was plagued with.

“Who knows I'm here?” Aya asked quietly.

“Just me, Omi and Youji. My team hasn't been informed yet.” Aya frowned at that. He wasn't so sure he wanted Aoi to know about him. Ken sighed. “I trust them Aya. We've been working together for three years. Its not as fun as when I was with Weiss, but I know they can be trusted.”

“I-” Aya cut off as the door to Ken's bedroom opened and Omi and Youji walked in. It was obvious Omi had been crying. Aya ground his teeth. Ken had told them what the conclusion he had arrived at after seeing the swordsman's injuries and previous scars. That was obvious by how subdued the pair were. He recalled the last time he'd seen Youji. The older man had been berating him for being so cold to his new team. The truth hurts, don't it Blondie?

“Aya. I'm so sorry.” Omi whispered walking up to the edge of the bed. “If I'd known they would-”

“Don't.” Aya growled glaring up at him. Ken sighed.

“Full sentences please Aya.” The brunette just smiled as Aya turned the glare on him.

“Fine.” The swordsman spat. “I don't want your fucking pity. I want Mau's head-” His voice failed him then and he sighed in frustration.

“Its not _pity_ that I'm feeling.” Omi sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I'm feeling regret, guilt, sorrow, and a whole lot of other things, but never pity Aya.” His soft blue eyes caught and held Aya's. “I don't understand why you never said anything and it doesn't matter right now. _You_ do. You need to heal. I came to say I'm sorry I ever doubted you, for not being there when you needed me, and for taking that bastard's word as truth without verifying. There's clear evidence that the crimes were _his_.” He made a face. “We have teams searching for Mau. Their orders are to kill on sight.” His eyes hardened momentarily in anger then moistened. “I truly am sorry Aya.”

“So am I” Youji and Ken spoke at the same time. Aya looked at the three of them and, not for the first time, wished that Weiss was still together. If they had never parted ways none of this shit would be happening. If he had spoken up and said that he didn't want to be sent away then maybe he never would have been...

Aya closed his eyes and turned away from their concerned, sympathetic faces. He thought he'd closed off the part of himself that felt anything, but he could still feel it, feel the other side of himself. The inner self that was Ran trying to claw its way out of the dark recesses of his mind. Ran was screaming...always screaming even when Aya couldn't make a sound.

The tears were threatening to come again, but Aya wouldn't let them. He wouldn't cry. He didn't really know how to let himself just _feel_ anymore. Inside he was practically dead. None of his former team would understand that he didn't care about what his new one had done, he'd been through worse...much worse at the hands of Takatori. He'd never told them about that. So it was to be expected.

He avoided talking about his past as often as he could. He wanted to kill Mau for what he'd done, but he...oh who was he kidding. He hated it. Hated every bit of what they had done to him. What he _couldn't_ do was let those feelings out. They had been buried with Ran for so long that he was terrified of what would happen if he let them out. Aya flinched as someone took his hand and opened his eyes to find Omi watching him with tears in his eyes.

“We won't let that bastard hurt you again.” The other man said sincerely. “I know this is hard for you, but if you can talk to someone about it-” Aya shook his head snatching his hand out of Omi's grip. The blonde just sighed sadly. “Someday you're going to need to talk about it Aya. Otherwise its going to kill you.” Aya raised a brow at that , but stayed silent.

“Omi...” Youji whispered. The petite blonde smiled up at his partner.

“We should go, Aya needs rest.” Omi rose his smile fading. “Sleep Aya, you're safe here.” Aya watched them leave then looked over at Ken who was staring at his hands.

“He's right you know.” The brunette said quietly. Aya just stared at him...he had nothing to throw. “I'm not ever going to force you to talk about it, but if you ever need to I'm here to listen.” Ken finally looked up. His brown eyes were so full of warmth and compassion that Aya had to look away. He reached up to touch his earring to keep himself calm and froze. It was gone. The last tie to his sister turned touchstone was gone. It was the only thing that had kept him sane through everything Mau and the others had done.

“Aya?” Ken asked. The swordsman couldn't breathe. What was going on? Where was the earring? He stared wide eyed at Ken, but he couldn't speak. He couldn't tell Ken what he wanted...what he _needed_. Comprehension dawned on the brunette's face. “Its right here Aya. Doc had to take it off to work on your neck.” He snatched something off his nightstand and pressed it into Aya's hand. The earring.

The redhead relaxed as his hand tightened into a fist around it. He knew he lacked the dexterity to put it back in at the moment, but he needed to feel its weight. “Do you want me to-” Aya nodded before Ken could finish and opened his hand. The brunette gently took the earring and leaned forward. His fingers were soft and warm against Aya's skin as he placed the earring back where it belonged. “I forgot about it.” Ken whispered.

“S'okay.” Aya managed to croak.

“Why did you kiss me Aya?” The whispered words froze Aya's blood. He turned to find his face inches from Ken's. He opened his mouth, but the words wouldn't come. He was mesmerized by the look in Ken's eyes. Then the brunette was closing the distance between them. For Aya it was an agonizing moment until Ken's lips met his. Aya gasped at the warmth that flooded through him at the contact. Ken's tongue slipped through his lips igniting a fire in his blood.

He'd felt a chill in his core for years on end. One that seemed infinite, but now his body felt like it was burning. He moaned brokenly reaching up to pull the brunette closer. His fingers tangled in the soft curls of Ken's hair. This was why he had kissed Ken. He needed the other man's heat. Ken was a veritable _fire_. He had tried to resist the temptations rising in him to get closer-deny his feelings. He couldn't any longer. Ken broke away from him suddenly and they both gasped for air. “Aya?” Ken whispered. It was a question. One the redhead heard as _why_. He wanted Aya to explain himself and all the swordsman could think of was Omi's dissolution of their team. The words he had wanted to say back then rang through his mind, pushing every other thought aside.

“Don't leave me.” Aya whispered, sounding more than a little pathetic, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Ken's eyes widened then filled with tears.

“Never Aya.” He murmured. “I won't ever leave you again. I love you.”

 

><><><><><><><><><

 

He'd finally said it. Ken watched Aya's eyes go wide. Deep in the amethyst orbs Ken saw a flicker of emotion. So he said those words again. “I love you Aya. I have for a long time, but I was afraid to tell you.” Aya seemed frozen. “Please say something.” Aya didn't move. Didn't blink. “Aya?” Ken gently took the younger man's face in his hands. “Baby?” A blink. Well that was something. Maybe he didn't like pet names or perhaps he was rethinking going by his sister's name. “Ran?” Well that got a reaction. Aya jerked away from him.

“No.” The redhead hissed. “He's gone.” Ken winced.

“I'm sorry Aya.” He soothed pulling the younger man to him and stroking his hair. Aya relaxed slightly. Ken bit his lip with worry. Something was definitely wrong with Aya and he couldn't blame it all on Mau or the other members of Yuki. There was something in Aya that had been broken long before they had ever gotten a hold of him. Ken was only seeing it for the first time. Aya's mask was beginning to crack.

“He's gone. I buried him”

“Okay.” Ken said calmly. “Its okay, Aya.”

“No it's not.” Aya looked at him with dull eyes. Calling him Ran had definitely been the wrong thing to do. The emotion Ken had seen earlier was gone. There were no traces left in those dark violet orbs. Ken mentally kicked himself. “Ken?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I'm dead.” Aya looked up at him his face blank. The brunette's brow furrowed.

“No.”

“But I'm so cold.” Aya's eyelids drooped. Ken caressed the side of his face feeling the chill in the other man's skin. “Why are you so warm?” Aya whispered his eyes closing as he leaned into Ken's touch. Ken tried to hold back the tears but they came anyway, spilling down his cheeks. Aya's breathing evened out as he finally fell asleep. Ken laid Aya back against the pillows then sat in the chair and allowed himself to weep softly for his friend. He'd never really known how much pain Aya was in. The swordsman had always been their stoic leader. Nothing could ruffle his feathers. No wound could keep him down for long. Ken knew if he himself had gone through what Aya had he would not have survived. It would have completely broken him to the point where he would have killed himself to get away from the pain.

A strange sound coming from the redhead next to him made him raise his head. What he saw broke his heart. Aya's sleeping face was contorted in fear and pain. His mouth was open in a scream, but no sound issued forth and his body writhed and strained against unseen bonds.

“Aya!” Ken cried taking the younger man by the shoulders. As soon as he touched Aya the man's eyes shot open and his emotionless mask slammed back into place. His breathing was still erratic as he turned dull amethyst eye to meet Ken's. The brunette stared into his eyes for a long moment before giving into his instincts. Very slowly he crawled onto the bed and wrapped his arms around his dear friend. “Sleep.” He whispered. “I'll keep the nightmares at bay.” Aya lay stiff in his arms staring stolidly at his chest. His breathing was back under control, but he was still not relaxed. The only time he seemed to do that was when Ken kissed him, but the brunette wasn't sure if he should do that right now. Suddenly Aya began to tremble in his arms. “Aya?”

“I can't.” The redhead gasped his fingers gripped the front of Ken's shirt as his body shook. Ken held him tighter.

“Can't what Aya?”

“You're so damn warm, I can't-” He broke off.

“Please Aya, I don't understand.” Ken kissed the younger man's forehead causing Aya to gasp. “Tell me what's wrong.”

“Feel.” Aya whispered. “Its too much...I can't...” His fingers tightened their hold as he gasped for air. Ken didn't know what to do, nor did he understand what his friend was going through. Was he hurting Aya? He started to pull away, but Aya wouldn't let go. “No.” The redhead whimpered trembling harder. “Don't leave.”

“I won't leave Aya. I thought I was hurting you.” Ken pulled him closer. “I don't know what to do. I don't know if you're scared, or in pain, or...” He trailed off not knowing what else to say.

“I'm cold.” Aya whispered. “So cold.” The redhead wasn't lying. He felt like an ice cube in Ken's arms. The brunette leaned down and pressed his lips to Aya's. He would do anything to stop the redhead's trembling. Aya went still immediately, his body relaxing. Then slowly, as the kiss deepened, it began to mold itself to him. Ken moaned softly as their bodies made contact and his arms tightened around Aya. The swordsman's arms hesitantly slipped up around his neck.

God he loved this man. He wished he had said so sooner. Maybe then they wouldn't have been apart for so long. He pulled back slowly to gasp for air as Aya clung to him. He looked down into Aya's eyes and deep in their depths he saw emotions swirling there for the first time since they'd reunited. It wasn't enough to make them look alive, but it was something. He bent his neck and kissed Aya's throat making the younger man inhale sharply and lean his head back. Ken kissed every bruise and mark he could see leaving Aya breathless and writhing beneath him.

“Am I hurting you?” Ken asked quietly. Aya shook his head, his eyes tightly closed. He looked exhausted. Ken kissed his lips softly. “I love you.” He whispered. Aya's eyes shot open. There was a small spark of light in the amethyst depths that was so beautiful to Ken. He tried to imagine what Aya would look like if he were happy, but couldn't. He wished desperately that he could bring the life back into those eyes completely, because even now that small spark was fading and Aya was looking away from him.

“Why?” Ken almost didn't hear the younger man's question. It surprised him. Why? There were so many reasons.

“Where do I start?” Ken smiled. “I've always felt safe with you. Even on missions, I knew that if you were there I'd be okay. I've always cared about you, but I knew it was love a long time ago. I fell asleep with my head on your leg. You were stroking my hair...and I didn't understand why at the time, I just felt warm inside. Like I was wanted and I hadn't felt that way in a long time. I was too scared to tell you, because I thought you would pull away from me. I didn't want that.” He looked down at Aya. “I also happen to think you're beautiful.”

“I'm not.” Aya snorted with a shake of his head. Ken chuckled.

“I think you are. Not to mention intelligent, strong, and in a whole lot of pain.” He smiled sadly as Aya looked away. “I want to take away your pain. I want to keep you safe, here in my arms.” He kissed the redhead's pale cheek. Aya closed his eyes with a shiver and moved closer to the brunette. For some weird reason he didn't seem to be warming up at all. His body was still cold. Ken rubbed his back gently. “You should get some more sleep Aya. I promise to stay right here.” Aya nodded and buried his face in Ken's chest. Ken waited for the nightmares to begin again, but this time the swordsman's body was completely relaxed, his breathing slow and even. Ken smiled closing his eye, smiling to himself. He really could keep the nightmares away.

 

><><><><><><><><><><><

 

Aya opened his eyes to find himself staring at Ken's chest. The brunette had kept his promise, but did that really mean love? Ken _said_ he did. Unfortunately Aya wasn't sure how anyone _could_. He was emotionally distant, rude, and an asshole most of the time. Not exactly likable.

He remembered the moment Ken had been talking about when he said he'd fallen in love. Aya hadn't realized Ken had been awake. What he remembered was a soft, warm weight on his thigh and hearing moans of terror. He'd looked down from his book to find Ken's head on his leg. The brunette had turned off his game and then fallen asleep on Aya. He had been having a nightmare, but as soon as Aya had touched his hair he had relaxed. In surprise Aya had taken his hand away, which had made Ken cry out softly. The swordsman hadn't liked seeing Ken afraid so he had tentatively run his fingers through the older man's soft brown curls a second time. Ken had immediately relaxed so Aya kept stroking his hair. He'd found it rather soothing and ended up falling asleep himsef.

He felt slightly embarrassed that Ken remembered and was glad the brunette hadn't confessed his love back then. Aya knew that back then he wouldn't have accepted it. As he was now he still didn't know if he could, but he wasn't going to run like he would have all those years ago.

“I remember.” He said softly reaching up to touch the little hairs on Ken's chest that he could see. The brunette's shirt had come open during the night. The last time Aya had seen it he had been stitching up a gaping wound on Ken's shoulder. He could see part of the scar that was left over and trailed his fingers up to it.

“Remember what?” Ken asked startling Aya. He heard Ken laugh softly before soft lips captured his. Heat flowed into him. Aya moaned opening his mouth to the tongue that was sliding over his lips. As it delved into his mouth he felt his groin harden. _Interesting_. He thought. He was _not_ ignorant about sex. He had just never experienced pleasant sensations from any kind of intimacy before.

Last night when Ken had been kissing him he had been too overwhelmed by the warmth Ken was giving him to get turned on, but now he felt his body responding in a way that scared him a little.

“Your fingers were driving me crazy.” Ken whispered after breaking the kiss to get some air. Aya could only stare up into his dark brown eyes. He could see the desire in them, but somehow it was different from what he had seen in the men and women who'd raped him over the years. It didn't scare him at all. Even Ken's erection didn't scare him.

Aya could feel it against his leg, but it didn't bother him. Why was that? He'd always hated sex. Why did his body seem to want it? Hadn't he been hurt enough? That was when he realized the reason he wasn't scared. He felt safe in Ken's arms and he knew the older man would never do anything to hurt him intentionally. Aya knew that when Ken realized his erection was resting against Aya's leg he would pull away and blush. Aya looked up as Ken suddenly moved away his face red. The warm hardness against his leg disappeared. He almost laughed, He knew Ken so well.

“Sorry I-” Aya kissed him then took Ken's hand and placed it against his own erection to show him that he wasn't alone. Ken's eyes widened and he gasped into Aya's mouth. Aya took that opportunity to slip his tongue into Ken's mouth. After a moment he pulled away and let go of Ken's wrist. He let his head fall against the brunette's with a sigh. If he wasn't so sore he would have wanted to have sex with the older man. When Ken slowly began to massage his groin he gasped softly and moved into the touch. Why did it have to feel so good? Why wasn't his mind screaming at him to run? Ken leaned down and Aya met his lips eagerly. How could an act that he had hated for so long feel so right? It must be because it was Ken touching him. Ken kissing him and making him feel safe and loved and wanted. He groaned as Ken's tongue invaded his mouth. He gave into the warm feelings flooding through him. “Do I need to stop?” Ken gasped breaking away for air.

“I don't-” Aya's voice failed him. He tried hard to speak the words, but no sound came out. His breath whistled and caught in his throat making him cough. Ken immediately backed off and helped him sit up. The hacking coughs racked his body for what seemed like hours then the blood came. He tasted it in the back of his throat before it came spurting through his lips.

“Shit!” Ken exclaimed. He disappeared from the room. Aya felt a scream start somewhere in his mind. He would never voice it, but he could feel the walls between him and Ran cracking. He could do nothing but cough up blood on Ken's pristine white sheets. There was no way the blood would ever come out completely. _Out, out damned spot._ He thought hysterically. Aya knew he was losing his grip on reality. He was one step away from being a gibbering madman locked in a small white room. _No._ He snarled at himself. _We will not break._

The screaming quieted, but that was because Ken came running back into the room. “Doc is on his way.” He said breathlessly. Aya felt a warm, wet cloth wiping at his face. “Just hold on Aya.” The swordsman wanted to tell Ken not to worry, but he couldn't speak. Eventually the coughing stopped. Aya's breath rattled in his chest telling him there was still a lot of fluid in them. His throat felt raw and he wanted a drink of water, but Nakamura chose that moment to rush in. He carried a bag in one hand. Behind him came a large man Aya had never seen before carrying an oxygen tank. Aya watched him warily as Ken moved so that Nakamura could examine the wheezing swordsman. The large stranger felt eyes on him and looked up. Dark green eyes filled with concern met Aya's.

“You want me to leave?” He asked. His voice was deep and had a comforting rumbling quality to it. Aya wanted to ask who he was. He was a stranger and Aya didn't like strangers. He refused to feel frightened or intimidated. He just watched the man's every move as Nakamura first listened to his breathing then to his heart. When the doctor touched his neck a white hot pain flared and without thinking Aya slapped his hand away.

“Did that hurt?” Nakamura asked shaking his stinging fingers. Aya didn't take his eyes off the large stranger by the door as he nodded once. “Okay. I hear a bit more in your lungs kid. I can either drain it at the hospital or you can wait for it to go away on its own and risk more coughing fits like the one you just had. Your throat is swollen and inflamed, but your heart is fine.” Aya looked at him sharply when he mentioned the hospital. “No hospital, gotcha.” Nakamura reached into his bag and pulled out a bottle of pills. “I suspected you would not want to leave here so I brought you some pain killers and heavy duty anti-inflammatories. You need to get lots of rest and refrain from trying to speak. It will only aggravate your throat.” Nakamura rose placing the bottles of pills on the nightstand next to him. “I will also leave the oxygen with you in case of another coughing fit.” He turned to Ken and began explaining how to use it. Aya returned to watching the stranger who was watching him back with an expression that was both curiosity and awe. When the doctor was finished; Ken walked with him to the door. “Thank you for carrying the tank Daisuke.” Nakamura clapped the big man on the shoulder then left.

“Is there anything more I can do Ken-dono?” The man named Daisuke asked.

“Can you grab some new sheets for the bed?” Ken asked glancing back at Aya. “I don't want to leave him alone.” The big man nodded, smiling happily, and left the room. Ken walked back to the bed. “You feeling okay?” He asked worriedly. Aya shrugged. He felt drained and wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep, but he was covered in blood and uncomfortable. Ken reached into a bowl of water Aya hadn't noticed before and grabbed a washcloth. Very gently he began cleaning the blood from Aya's skin. He relaxed slightly as Ken continued his gentle ministrations. Daisuke returned just as Ken finished. Aya's muscles tightened, ready for a fight, but Daisuke only handed the bedding to Ken and left again closing the door behind him.

“I know he's huge, but he's a big teddy bear at heart.” Ken said with a laugh. “He's the only one on my team that looks even a little bit intimidating.” Aya wondered who the other members were and what they looked like as Ken helped him to the chair. “I'll have this done in a minute then you can go back to sleep.” The brunette said as he stripped the bloody sheets from the bed. Aya shrugged settling back into the chair as he watched Ken make the bed. He wished he was stronger because it didn't seem right to let Ken clean up the mess he had made. The brunette didn't seem to mind though, he was humming softly as he worked. Aya listened letting his eyes close. He drifted off to sleep listening to Ken's soothing voice.

 

**A/N:** Just to forewarn y'all there is a rape scene in this chapter. It is near the end and is all in italics because it is Aya remembering some awful shit. Please skip that portion if it will make you uncomfortable.

 

**Painful Truths** -Three Months Later

 

Ken hated sending his team on missions without him, but someone had to stay with Aya, who had yet to leave Ken's room in the three months he'd been there. He was completely healed except for his throat and seemed to hate it when Ken left him alone for any length of time. He never said anything, but Ken could see the relief in his empty gaze upon returning.

The brunette wanted to kiss the younger man's fears away. He knew he couldn't though. He hadn't kissed Aya since he had that coughing fit. Every chance he got he told the redhead that he loved him, but it seemed as though Aya was believing him less and less. Lately he would just sit by the window in Ken's room and stare out at the sky. Ken wondered what was going through his mind. This wasn't the Aya he had always known and it was hard to see the usually strong man looking so broken.

After sending his team on their way he returned to his room to find it empty. He ran to the bathroom panic flaring in his chest, but Aya wasn't there either. “Aya!” He cried running from room to room. A familiar metallic clang reached his ears. Ken hurried towards the training room to find Aya attacking a practice dummy. “There you are.” Ken sighed in relief. Aya only grunted in his usual way as he slit the dummy's throat. It was oddly comforting, that noncommittal grunt. “You okay?”

“Fine.” Aya replied speaking for the first time in months as he mercilessly attacked the inanimate object in front of him. Ken threw his head back with a laugh. This was one of the many reasons why he loved the swordsman; his awkward way of dealing with the shit in his life and the graceful violence was beautiful to witness when not directed at the person doing the witnessing.

Small chips were flying from the wooden dummy at an alarming rate. Still chuckling Ken reached out to stop Aya before he broke his sword. In the time it took him to blink he was on his back on the floor with Aya straddling his chest and a sword at his throat. Aya's eyes blazed with a dark light that had Ken mesmerized. He licked his suddenly dry lips as Aya sat there breathing heavily and glaring down at him.

“Aya?” Ken squeaked as the swordsman leaned forward, the blade of his katana slid across the brunette's neck dangerously close to slicing his skin. Why this was making him hard he didn't think he would ever be able to explain.

“Looks like Aya has found a new plaything.” A deep unfamiliar voice spoke from the doorway. The change that came over Aya was terrifying. Ken watched his eyes narrow to slits. In the next second he was standing and facing the intruder with a look of such loathing Ken was frightened himself. He never wanted Aya to look at him like that. It made him wonder who was there.

He slowly got to his feet and turned to see who the intruder was. His blood froze. _Mau_. Omi had given them a photo so that he and his team knew who to watch out for. Youji had told him that the bastard might use others to watch so he would know when Aya might be alone. Since Ken was determined to keep his friend safe and he had promised to never leave-an oath he might have been taking too seriously-Mau was taking a chance the two weren't on their guard.

Ken wasn't the calmest of individuals and he knew he had a temper, but now, standing before him, was the man who had tortured and almost definitely raped Aya. All he wanted to do was rip the bastard apart and here he was. Unfortunately he was lying on the floor, unarmed. Oh well, there was ways to kill a person without a weapon; plus they _were_ in a training room and Aya had a sword in his hands. Mau was at the disadvantage; not Ken.

The brunette eyed the man with disgust as he got to his feet. The man was uglier than he'd realized and a little imposing. Ken hadn't been able to tell from just a photograph that Mau was scarred all over his face. He was taller than both Ken and Aya, but shorter than Youji. He was thin, not emaciated looking like Aya and more muscular.

From one hand there dangled a bladed whip and without any warning or further conversation the man attacked, his whip coming straight at Ken's face. The brunette felt himself being roughly pushed aside before his instincts could even tell him to duck. The end of the whip snapped around the neck of the practice dummy Aya had just basically destroyed. Somehow it was now standing in the spot where Ken had been standing.

A dark chuckle came from Aya as he sliced through the whip. Ken sat frozen where he'd fallen watching the battle unfold. He had seen Aya fight before, but he'd never seen him this sadistic before. In a matter of seconds Mau was screaming obscenities and bleeding from over a dozen different cuts. “Stop moving you little slut.” Mau swore, making yet another fatal mistake by grabbing Aya's arm.

In the next second his head was gone. Ken stared in shock as the hideous thing flew through the air and exploded against the far wall. Mau's body twitched before dropping to the floor. Aya stood over the corpse breathing heavily. He was covered in blood and his eyes blazed in triumph. It was the most terrifyingly beautiful thing Ken had ever seen. He was about to speak when suddenly Aya screamed in denial, surprising the brunette, and began hacking at Mau's corpse. Pieces of the body went flying.

“No!” Aya yelled, obviously frustrated about something. “That was too easy.” Ken reacted to his friend's madness without thinking. He got to his feet and grabbed the katana from Aya's hands, almost getting his own head cut off in the process. “Give it back.” Aya snarled.

“He's dead Aya.”

“No.” The swordsman hissed shaking his head. “Not until I'm finished. He deserves more.” Ken looked down at the bloody mess. He couldn't even tell that it had once been a person. More _what_?

“Look at him Aya.” Ken said calmly setting the sword down and turning Aya to look at the mutilated corpse. “There's nothing left.” Aya nudged a mangled limb with the toe of his boot and mumbled something unintelligible.

A commotion behind them had Aya spinning. In the blink of an eye he had the katana back in his hand and was preparing to attack. Ken turned quickly and wrapped his arms around the younger man before he could kill his team. Daisuke, Alanna, and Rika stood in the doorway staring at the sight in front of them. Rika looked very green. She wasn't used to seeing blood or corpses. Especially ones that Aya had killed.

“Alanna would you call Omi and tell him I need a clean up crew and that Mau has been eliminated.” He asked his second in command. “Aya cut that out.” The swordsman was straining against Ken's hold, his eyes gleaming. He didn't recognize Ken's team. All he saw where threats. “Aya, I need you to calm down okay?” Ken struggled to get the katana out of Aya's iron grip. Once he had it free he tossed it to the other side of the room where it landed next to what was left of Mau's head. As soon as the sword left his hands, Aya went deadly still in his arms.

“Give it back.” He growled dangerously. Amethyst eyes glared up into Ken's.

“No Aya.” Ken replied with a calm he didn't feel. “He's dead and you're safe now.” The look in Aya's eyes hardened and he struggled harder against Ken's hold.

“Let go. I have to finish it.”

“Finish what?!” Ken shouted. “He's in a million different pieces, look.” He turned Aya so that the swordsman could see his handy work. “What more could you possibly do?”

“Burn it.” Aya said simply. He'd stopped fighting, though, so Ken made the mistake of releasing him. He didn't realize he'd made a mistake until he felt a sharp blow to the side of his head. As he blacked out he heard Rika shriek and Daisuke shout a warning then nothing.

 

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Aya stared at Ken lying at his feet. What had he done? His heart froze in his chest then he looked around at the carnage he'd wrought. His vision had gone dark when he saw Mau and he couldn't remember what happened after that. That was no reason to hurt the person he cared about most in the world and he decided enough was enough. Mau was obviously dead and he had hit Ken...again. _Not_ his finest moment.

“Call Omi.” The swordsman growled at the three assassins standing in the door; no one moved. Out of the three other members of Aoi he only recognized Daisuke. The other two were women. The smaller one had bright pink hair in large curls around her face. She was the one who had screamed. The other woman reminded him of Manx. Tall and curvy, but her hair was blonde instead of red and in a severe looking bun.

“What are you going to do?” Daisuke asked calmly, his eyes on Ken. Aya ignored him as he sat down next to the brunette. He pulled Ken's head onto his lap and carefully felt the area he had struck to make sure he hadn't done any irreversible damage. Luckily all he found was a small bump. The redhead let out a small sigh of relief.

“I'm sorry.” He whispered leaning down he gently kissed Ken's cheek. A drop of blood fell from his hair onto the brunette's face. Ken stirred slightly but didn't open his eyes. He sat there with Ken for a long time, just stroking his hair. Eventually Omi and Youji came rushing into the room.

“What the hell?!” Youji looked shocked and Omi looked as though he wanted to throw up. “Who-”

“Mau.” Daisuke stood with them. The women were nowhere in sight. “Ken-dono said Mau was dead.” Aya felt anger stir in his chest hearing the name so he went back to stroking Ken's hair. It soothed him.

“Has he said anything?” Omi asked the large man quietly.

“He freaked out a bit when Ken-dono took his sword away, but he's been like this ever since he knocked him out.” Daisuke replied with a shrug. “He don't know me so I figured it'd be better if one o' you went over there.”

“Good plan.” Youji laughed. “Although I don't know if I want to go over there either.” Omi huffed irritably and moved across the room to where Aya sat with Ken.

“Aya, you're getting blood in Ken's hair.” The blonde said quietly reaching to touch his hand. Aya batted his hand away, not wanting to be touched, then continued his stroking. Blood washed out...eventually, and he was waiting for Ken to wake up. Aya needed to apologize and he didn't want the brunette to be mad at him. This was the third or fourth, he couldn't remember which, time Aya had rendered him unconscious in the past three months. “Aya, Its time to stop now and-” Aya growled as Omi reached for him again.

“Its fine Omi.” Ken muttered tiredly his eyes still closed. “I was ignoring it.” Aya blinked down at him. How long had the brunette been conscious?

“Ken?” Omi sounded as surprised as Aya felt. Ken opened his eyes, but didn't move. “Are you hurt?”

“Just a small headache.” He shrugged. “Aya was making it feel better though.” He smiled up at the redhead. “You really need to stop knocking me out kid.” Aya frowned at him. Kid? He pushed the brunette off his lap. Ken just laughed and sat up.

“Is any of the blood on you yours?” Omi asked his brow furrowing as he took in the smears of blood all over Ken's clothing.

“Nah, it all came from Aya, who got it from that.” Ken jerked his thumb towards the decimated corpse behind him.

“Neither of you are hurt?”

“Nope. Aya took him out quite brilliantly. I counted about twenty seconds from start to finish.”

“To do all that?” Omi stared around at the carnage.

“He was _really_ pissed.” Ken laughed. How could he be laughing? Aya stared at the older man and wondered why he wasn't mad. Was Ken really okay with what the swordsman had just done? “Hey Dai, the girls okay?”

“Yeah boss.” The big man grinned. “Rika-chan was a little freaked but she's watching that pony show o' hers now. Alanna complained about needing a shower and headed upstairs.”

“What happened on your mission?”

“We hit the target and got out in under ten minutes. Easy peasy. Don't know why you were so worried boss.” Daisuke replied.

“I guess I like to worry.” Ken shrugged then looked over at Aya. The swordsman refused to meet his eyes. “You okay Aya?” The redhead continued to stare at the floor. Now that he was calm he regretted what he'd done in the heat of the moment. He remembered the terrified look in Ken's eyes as the brunette had tried to calm him down and stop mutilating Mau's corpse.

Now Ken knew what Aya was really like deep down. A monster, not much different than the ones they hunted. Just look at him. He was covered in blood and bits of bone and internal organs. He was pretty sure that was a piece of liver on his knee. It was disgusting... _he_ was disgusting. What the _hell_ was wrong with him? Aya sighed and laid down on the bloody floor.

“Gross, Aya, don't lay there.” He felt Ken's hands on him and allowed the brunette to pull him to his feet. “I'm going to get him cleaned up guys. We'll be back down in a bit.”

“Good plan.” Omi said in reply. “The cleaning crew is already en-route.”

“Thank God.” Ken laughed. “This apartment is a mess.” Aya ignored the rest of their banter as Ken led him upstairs. He had to focus on putting one foot in front of the other or else he was going to fall on his face. “What am I going to do with you Aya?” Ken sighed as he brought Aya into his bathroom. Aya shrugged and lifted his arms when Ken began pulling off his shirt. Luckily none of the blood had dried yet so it came off with ease. He shivered slightly as Ken moved past him and turned on the shower. “Do you need my help getting clean?” Ken asked. Aya shook his head and waited until Ken had left before removing the rest of his clothing and climbing into the shower.

The water at his feet turned pink then red as the blood was washed from his skin. Mau's blood. He'd been terrified at first when he'd heard his voice, but then something in him had snapped. All the pent up rage at how helpless the man and his cronies had made him. Aya hated being helpless. He hated being at the mercy of someone else. He hated being unable to move, to get away.

The redhead had been helpless no longer. He'd had a sword in his hand and Ken at his side. It was hard to explain how having the other man there made him feel stronger. He didn't feel as weak as he had before. Mau had only been able to control him because that bastard knew what buttons to push...and who to threaten.

Aya shuddered then grabbed the soap and began to scrub. This was the first shower he'd been in by himself for a long time. For the past few months Ken had been bathing him, but for the two and a half years before that it had been Mau.

Mau who had refused to leave him alone anywhere unless he was chained up or both of the other members of their team were in the same room as Aya. They both knew Aya could overpower just one, but _two_ trained assassins? Not a chance. Despite their evil ways, they were quite skilled.

The only times he hadn't been chained up or watched was when Youji stopped by with missions and on the missions themselves. He hadn't said anything to Youji because of threats Mau had made. On missions he had tried to run, but only in the beginning. After he was foiled the first few times he just gave up; plus Mau had given him an ultimatum. Stay with Yuki or lose his old team. Back then he hadn't known what to do. Sure he knew what was happening was wrong and he hated every second, but he hadn't been strong enough to deal with it on his own, which was how he was used to approaching issues. In a way it was like an abusive home; he had wanted it to end, but he got used to the violence so he had put up with it; with Mau.

What he'd done...no he couldn't think about that right now. He had to keep the memories buried. He _had_ to. It was getting harder though. They, along with the part of him that was always screaming, were too close to the surface and constantly trying to claw free. So it was a struggle, but he managed to keep from remembering. He also was apparently managing to scrub his skin so raw that it had started to bleed in a few places. _Shit_. The soap stung but he finally finished getting all the blood off.

“God Aya, I can't leave you alone for a minute can I?” Ken's voice startled him, but what he said terrified him. _I can't leave you alone for a minute can I?_ In his mind it was Mau's voice...and that was all it took for the dam to break. The worst memory of what had happened with Mau broke free of the mental shoving and surfaced.

 

_Mau's whip cut into his flesh again and again. “Scream for me slut.” The bastard purred in his ear. Aya bit down on the inside of his cheek to keep from complying. So far he hadn't allowed a single sound to escape without his permission for the past two and a half years. All of this was his own fault. He should have known better than to turn his back on Mau. He refused to think of him by anything other than his code name. None of them deserved real names. The others were lounging on the couch in front of him. Mau had dragged him from the bedroom and hooked his wrist restraints to a chain hanging from the ceiling. He could feel blood running down his arms from where the wounds around his wrists had opened. More blood ran down his back from multiple lacerations._

_Since he couldn't see Mau he glared at Ocelot and Lynx who were now rutting like animals on the couch. They were ignoring him of course. For them watching Mau abuse him was the ultimate aphrodisiac. He dreaded the day they decided to join. Suddenly the whip wrapped around his neck. He choked and struggled futilely. “I have a surprise for you slut. Lynx is going to help me rip you wide open.” Mau laughed as Lynx left Ocelot pouting and panting on the couch. “He's intrigued by our little games and wants to try you out.” The whip left his neck as Mau walked around to stand in front of him. Aya closed his eyes in disgust when he felt Lynx's hands on him. The man fumbled unsuccessfully with the swordsman's cock in an attempt to get him hard. “Don't bother, this whore is a cold bitch. Nothing I do gets him off.” Mau growled. “I even tried drugs.”_

_“Okay Boss.” Lynx's hand left his cock. Aya gritted his teeth as Lynx shoved his cock into him. He hated this part of it. He could take the beatings, but this...he hated this. Lynx groaned as he pounded into Aya. “Damn he's so tight. Not like Ocelot.”_

_“That woman takes so much dick that her pussy is the size of Tokyo.” Mau laughed._

_“Shut up!” Ocelot shrieked leaping to her feet. She grabbed Aya by the hair and wrenched his head back. “I'll make sure you're never tight again.” She hissed venomously then let go of him and disappeared from view. Aya tried to just block everything out, but it took everything he had to keep from screaming as a large dildo was shoved into him alongside Lynx's cock. Lynx laughed and began to fuck him harder. In less than a minute Lynx shot his load and pulled out of him. The dildo stayed and Aya could feel blood and semen dripping down his legs. “Give me your whip Mau.” Ocelot spat. “I need to teach this slut a lesson.”_

_“And what lesson would that be my dear?” Mau asked handing her his whip._

_“No one gives pleasure to my man except me.” She snarled and the whip cracked. Aya wanted to tell her that he hadn't wanted to give_ anyone _pleasure, but he knew it would fall on deaf ears so he suffered through her whipping soundlessly. Eventually the blows stopped. He could hear her muttering and something cold pressed into him...next to the dildo._

_“Ocelot don't-” Mau shouted, but Aya couldn't hear what he said over his own screams. The pain was unbearable. He didn't know what was happening all he could feel was this terrible pain as though he was being split in two. All he could do was scream and know that they had won._

 

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Ken stared in horror as Aya collapsed in on himself and began to scream. He rushed forward and pulled the younger man out of the shower. He got a towel wrapped around him just as Omi and Youji came running in. “What the hell happened?!” Youji exclaimed.

“I don't know!” Ken cried as Aya screamed and struggled in his arms. The brunette tried to soothe him, but nothing was working. “I came in to check on him and he was just standing under the water scrubbing at his skin. I could see that it was bleeding so I got frustrated and snapped at him.”

“Do you remember what you said?” Omi asked quietly.

“Something about not being able to leave him alone for a minute. I don't know.” Ken didn't want to answer their damn questions. He wanted Aya to quit screaming. “Please Aya, come back to me.” He held the trembling swordsman tightly and stroked his hair. He pressed a kiss to Aya's freezing skin and suddenly the screaming stopped. Ken looked down in surprise to find Aya's empty eyes staring up at him tears streaming down his face.

“I couldn't hold them back anymore.” The redhead whispered roughly. His breath hitched.

“You don't have to hold it all in Aya.” Ken kissed his forehead. “Just let go.” Aya shook his head. “Why not?” Ken asked keeping his voice calm even though he was seething on the inside. He wanted to _kill_ the bastards who had hurt Aya enough to break him and momentarily hated that they were already dead.

“I just got them back in.” Aya shrugged as if it was obvious. Ken felt his lips twitch. The man was ridiculously adorable.

“You scared the hell out of me.” He sighed his anger finally dissipating.

“I'm cold.” Ken couldn't help it this time he laughed. Aya's brow furrowed slightly.

“Come on, I'll get you some new clothes.”

 

**Regrowth**

 

Ken wasn't sure what to do. Aya was acting like nothing had happened. Like he hadn't had a breakdown or chopped someone up into little bits. The latter he understood. From the little he had been able to guess about what Mau had done to Aya; the bastard deserved everything he got and more. The brunette supposed he really shouldn't be surprised about Aya's behavior. He'd seen more emotion from the redhead in the past three months then he ever had in the years Ken had known him.

“Whatcha thinking about Ken-chan?” Rika asked dropping onto the couch next to him. She had been extremely worried about him over the past couple days since she'd seen Aya knock him out after seeing what was done to Mau without knowing the context of the situation. All she saw was a bloody corpse and the man responsible for it knocking her boss unconscious. Needless to say; it did not endear the man to her.

“Aya.” He sighed. Not really expecting her to care. “I don't know what to do. He acts like everything is business as usual, but I know its not.”

“Have you tried talking to him?” She asked brightly.

“Getting Aya to talk is like pulling teeth from a man that has dentures, its pointless.” He smiled as she giggled and laid her head against his shoulder.

“Do you think he'd like My Little Ponies? Its what makes me happy.”

“Its a nice thought Rika, but I don't think he would enjoy the pony show.” Ken tried to imagine Rika and Aya watching the show together and snorted.

“So what _does_ make him happy, you know, besides killing people?”

“I really don't know, and I don't think killing people makes him happy.” Ken replied.

“Oh.” She was quiet for a long time. “He seems better when you're with him. Because when you aren't here he looks kind of lost.”

“What do you mean?” Ken cocked his head and looked down at her.

“Well, the other night when you and Dai-chan and Lanna-chan went out, he just sat by your window and stared out.” Rika looked up at him. “I peeked in there to see if he was hungry and 'cause I wondered if he was okay, but he just stared. It was like he didn't even hear me. Then when you got home he was fine. He came downstairs and everything.” She pursed her lips, oblivious to Ken's flabbergasted reaction to her unexpected concern. “And after he knocked you out the other day he freaked. He yelled at us to call Omi then got down on the floor to make sure you were okay.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He got a frowny look on his face and everything.” She jumped up from the couch. “I think you should go upstairs and tell him how you feel.” With that she skipped off. Ken stared after her. It was in moments like these that she reminded him of Omi. She was wiser than her youth would suggest. He got up off his ass and walked upstairs. Outside the room he was still sharing with Aya he hesitated. He'd already told Aya how he felt about him, what if those feelings weren't welcome? They'd shared a few kisses that left them both breathless and wanting more, but did Aya even want them? Had Ken forced him into something he now regretted? The brunette took a deep breath and silently opened the door.

Aya sat on the chair by the window, His legs folded beneath him and a book lying across his lap, but the redhead wasn't looking at it. He was staring at the floor with eyes that looked like they belonged to a dead man. He stirred slightly as Ken came into the room and closed the door. “Hey.” Ken swallowed and braced himself then walked over and knelt on the floor in front of Aya. He carefully set the book aside and laid his head on the swordsman's thigh. When Aya tensed he started to pull away cursing himself, but then Aya's fingers were in his hair and he felt himself melt.

“You were worrying about me.” Aya's deep voice made him shiver.

“I always worry.” Ken murmured. “I can never tell if you're okay or not.” There was a slight hesitation in Aya's hands before he shocked Ken.

“I'm not okay.” Aya's voice was soft. Ken started to look up at him but the grip on his hair tightened. “Don't. Its easier if you don't look.” Ken let his head fall back down. “Just listen. Back when Omi split us all up I made the worst mistake of my life by not speaking my mind then a second because I turned my back on a man I didn't trust.”

“I'm sorry Aya I-”

“Shh. I know.” Aya caressed his cheek softly. “Just let me finish before I lose my nerve.” Ken pressed his lips together. “The stuff with Mau and the others didn't start right away. It was almost a year in. They caught me by surprise one night and I lived in hell until I could return the favor. They threatened me with the death of my old team, which to me meant you. The thought paralyzed my mind and I lost the will to fight back. It wasn't like it hadn't happened before.” Ken couldn't keep silent anymore.

“Before?!” He sat up and looked into Aya's eyes. The redhead looked away.

“When I was a child I was imprisoned much in the same way as I was with Mau.” Ken saw pain flash across Aya's face. “The man who...hurt me back then was Takatori.” Ken's eyes widened in horror. “Yes, that's why I hated him so much, but after I killed him I was able to get past the pain he'd put me through. So I know that in time I will recover from...what...” He trailed off and ran a hand through his hair. “I just need time, Ken, and I need you to stop treating me like a porcelain doll.” Aya finally looked at him. His eyes held a deep sadness that was hard for Ken to see. The brunette stood then pulled Aya into his arms. It was just like the time he had tried to hug the younger man when his sister had died. Aya was rigid in his arms. Rigid and cold...really cold. His skin was like ice. Ken knew the window wasn't open so why?

“Why are you so cold?” He asked grabbing a blanket from the bed and wrapping it around Aya's shoulders.

“Why are you so warm?” Aya murmured pressing his face into Ken's neck.

“I have a normal body temperature.” Ken replied smartly. He sat in the chair with his Aya bundle in his lap. “You feel-”

“Like a corpse?” Aya snorted. “Yeah, I know.”

“I was going to say icicle, but you had to go and be all morbid.” Ken wrinkled his nose. “I love you, though, so I'll let that go.” Aya stiffened then sat up. The blanket fell from his shoulders as he looked down at Ken.

“You keep saying that.” The redhead whispered.

“Because its true.” Ken replied soberly. “Do you _not_ want me to love you?” He asked the question, but he really didn't want to know the answer. His heart froze when Aya shook his head.

“Its not that.” The younger man looked down and away from Ken's eyes. “I just don't understand.”

“Understand what?” Ken asked, his heart pounding in his throat.

“...How you could... _love_ someone like me.” Aya replied hesitantly after torturing the brunette with a long silence. “I'm not a whole person Ken. So much has been taken from me over the years and I...I'm broken Ken. There's only these little pieces left.” Ken felt tears spill down his cheeks. He really didn't know what to say so he kissed the other man. He pulled Aya into him and kissed him with all the love he felt. Aya melted into him, his skin warming under Ken's hands. Ken broke away and stared into Aya's eyes. The spark was back, small, but there.

“I love you Aya, because you are who I know in my soul that I belong with. I have _never_ felt about anyone how I feel about you. I have never loved anyone so deep before. I need you in my life. My heart breaks every time I see the pain you're in and all I want to do is take it from you. I want to love you forever. I know you may not love me back, but I-” Aya's mouth was suddenly on his and the younger man was kissing him as though his life depended on it. There was nothing soft or sweet about this kiss. It was hard and filled with a dark passion. Ken felt his groin swelling in response. He groaned opening his mouth for Aya's tongue as the swordsman moved so that he was straddling the brunette's lap. He felt Aya's hands sliding up his shirt and he arched into the touch. Aya's mouth moved to his neck where he bit down, not enough for it to hurt, but just enough to send jolts of pleasure straight to Ken's already throbbing erection.

“I need you Ken.” The redhead's voice was rough and filled with desire. “I've loved you for so long.” He whispered. “I was just too afraid to let you in.” He ground his hips into Ken's before straightening to look him in the eye. “I'm still terrified that you won't like the darkness in me. You felt it didn't you?”

“Y-yeah.” Ken's breath hitched as he stared into dark amethyst eyes. “Do you see me running?” Aya's eyes widened slightly. “You aren't going to scare me away Aya. I love you. I do think we need to take this slower. I don't want to hurt you and-”

“Ken.” Aya put a hand over his mouth. “When you touch me I actually feel alive. You are the only one who can drive that man's taint from me. I need you to love me... _please_ , just love me.” Ken nodded mutely and Aya kissed him.

 

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Aya melted into Ken's arms unable to deny himself any longer. He couldn't resist the promise of love. He'd been without it for too long. He _needed_ Ken. Needed him with an intensity that was scary. Not of pain. Ken would _never_ hurt him. Not intentionally and not in the way he had been hurt before. It was the intensity of desire.

He slid from the brunette's lap then pulled him to his feet and towards the bed. Sex had always meant pain before, but he knew that between lovers it was different. Omi and Youji's love proved that. He'd heard them at night when Weiss was still together. Ken was such a heavy sleeper that Aya was sure _he_ never had, and Aya would never tell the blondes what he'd heard. He just wanted what they had. Neither of them were complete without the other and Aya desperately wished to be whole again. Ken was the only one who could do that for him.

“Are you sure about this Aya?” Ken whispered as Aya laid on the bed and brought Ken's body over his. Concerned brown eyes watched his face carefully. Aya didn't trust his voice so he pulled Ken's mouth to his. He'd never been good with words and what did words mean anyway? Ken could shout that he loved him until he was blue in the face, but Aya wouldn't believe him based just on words. That was how you got hurt. No, Aya didn't trust words. What he trusted, or rather _who_ he trusted, was Ken.

The brunette had never lied to him or tried to deceive him. He was honest to a fault and everything he said could be proved by what he did. Aya knew Ken loved him based on all that the other man had done for him over the past few months. He'd cared for the redhead without expecting anything in return. Everything he'd done had been out of love. Aya understood that even if he didn't completely understand the emotion itself.

“Aya, I know you don't like to talk, but I need you to tell me what you want.” Ken was pulling away from him. Aya growled softly and used his legs to reverse their positions. As he straddled Ken's waist he could feel the brunette's erection press into him. A shudder passed through him. “You aren't ready Aya.” Ken said gently, cupping Aya's face with his hands. But Aya needed Ken to drive the taint from him. He wanted to feel someone inside him that loved him. “We can go slow Aya. I know that if I make love to you right now it will hurt you, and that's the last thing that _I_ want.” Aya looked down at Ken trying to keep his face blank. “I love you Aya and when you love someone you don't hurt them.”

“But I hurt you.” Aya finally whispered. He brushed his fingers over the fading bruise he'd put on the side of Ken's head. “Does that mean I don't love you?”

“No.” Ken pulled him into a hug. “I don't believe for a moment that you wanted to hurt me and isn't it _intent_ that matters most in cases like this. You _literally_ didn't know what you were doing.” Aya pressed his face into Ken's neck relaxing now that he could no longer feel the pressure of the erection against him. Part of him was disappointed. He really thought he'd been ready. Ken's fingers stroked his back in soothing circles. He wanted to ask Ken why intent mattered at all. Hurt was hurt. The brunette seemed to read his mind though. “Aya, if I had sex with you right now I _know_ I would hurt you. I would also be betraying your trust. The other night when you killed that bastard you weren't yourself. You were in so much pain that you lashed out. Rika said that after you hit me you were sorry. She said you got a frowny face and everything.” Aya snorted making Ken laugh. “The point is, that what you did was unintentional. You didn't mean to hurt me. If I had sex with you now, knowing that it will hurt you, would make me even more of a bastard than Mau.” Aya lifted his head in surprise.

“Why?”

“Because you trust me, at least I hope you do.” Ken caressed his cheek. “To intentionally hurt the one you love is the ultimate betrayal.” Aya laid his head back down on the brunette's chest. “I don't want you to force yourself to do something you aren't ready for Aya. I also don't care if it takes years until you are. I'm content just holding you like this.”

“What about...” Aya felt his face flush. He couldn't say it.

“Sex?” Ken asked. Aya nodded hiding his face. This was ridiculous. He was a grown man who had been through hell and he couldn't talk about sex with the man he loved. “Aya loving someone doesn't mean you only want to have sex with them. Love is more than that. When I say I love you what _I_ mean is that I want to spend my life with you. Through the ups _and_ downs. It means that I can wait to have sex with you, because you're worth waiting for.”

“What if I'm not?” Aya whispered. “What if I'm not worth anything?” Ken grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him slightly when he refused to meet the brunette's eyes.

“Look at me Aya.” Ken growled. Hesitantly Aya lifted his eyes. Ken's brown eyes blazed with fury. It was both beautiful and terrifying to the swordsman. “Never say you aren't worth anything. You mean more to me than my own life!” Aya pulled away from him to sit against the wall the bed was pushed up against.

“Why? How can I mean so much to you? I-” He broke off as Ken sat up, his eyes blazing.

“Aya, why do I have to have a reason to love you? Love can't always be explained. Sometimes it just happens and there's no running from it.” He got on his knees in front of Aya. “My love for you is real and I'm not going anywhere no matter how much you push me away or try to scare me. I _know_ emotion isn't easy for you. You've cut yourself off from people for so long that its going to take time for you to get comfortable. Start with me. Let me into your heart and I promise you I will do everything I can to make you happy.” Aya stared at him his heart pounding in his throat. Happy?

“Do I even deserve to be happy?” He heard himself ask. The anger in Ken's eyes disappeared. The brown orbs glowed with warmth as he leaned forward and pressed a gently kiss to Aya's forehead.

“You more than anyone I know; deserve a bit of happiness.” He whispered softly. “You've suffered for so long Aya, let me take some of your pain away.” Aya felt his eyes burn and tears began slipping down his cheeks. Ken kissed them away then pulled the redhead close. “Can you let me love you Aya?”

“Yes.” Aya whispered closing his eyes as Ken's mouth covered his. The kiss was soft and sweet, undemanding of anything more. Aya opened his mouth to the tongue swirling over his lips. As the warm muscle invaded his mouth he felt his body respond. His groin hardened and his blood seemed to ignite. Ken moaned into his mouth his arms wrapping around the swordsman. The brunette gently lifted him only to lay him on his back on the mattress. Then his hands were exploring Aya's body. Gentle caresses and strokes that fueled the fire burning within him. He barely noticed as their clothing began to fall away. He focused on Ken's hands as they slid down his chest. The brunette pulled back from the kiss as he rested his hand on Aya's erection.

 

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Ken looked down into Aya's eyes as he gently stroked the younger man's cock, searching for any sign that the redhead was uncomfortable. He knew Aya wouldn't tell him so he needed to pay attention. He couldn't get lost in his desire. Ken would stop everything at the slightest bit of hesitation. Part of him felt like a liar, but as he watched Aya moan and felt the thinner body arc into his touch, guilt fled. Aya _needed_ him. Not just in a sexual way nor was full penetration the ultimate goal. Ken needed to show Aya that he could be trusted with _all_ of him.

“So beautiful.” He whispered pressing his lips to the sensitive skin of Aya's throat. The younger man gasped as the brunette used his tongue to trace random patterns across Aya's pale scarred skin. The swordsman's fingers slid into his hair and pulled Ken up to his mouth. The brunette kissed him deeply exploring the other man's mouth with his tongue. He kept up the movement of his hand using his thumb to swirl pre-cum around the sensitive tip of Aya's cock. The redhead moaned breathlessly into his mouth and clutched at his hair.

His lithe, agile body writhed, his hips rocking under Ken's hand. Ken could feel his own erection throbbing with neglect. It was hanging heavily between his legs, but he was uncertain of Aya's reaction if he were to let it touch the other man. Aya made the decision for him. Ken felt long legs wrap around his waist, bringing his hips down. They both broke from their kiss, gasping for air as their erections made contact. Ken felt his hips rock forward. Aya moaned and his legs tightened around the older man's waist. Ken moved his hand so that he was gripping both of their cocks. He closed his eyes with a groan as he worked them together. Aya's fingers clutched at his shoulders.

“Ken!” He gasped. The brunette looked up quickly. Aya threw his head back with a cry as he came. Ken did the same less then a second later his entire body shaking with the force of it. Only Aya could do this to him. He gasped for air as he collapsed next to Aya. Their stomachs were covered in semen so he grabbed his shirt from the floor and quickly cleaned the mess up. When he looked back at Aya, wide violet eyes stared back at him in shock.

“You okay?” Ken asked worriedly stroking the side of his face. Aya nodded once.

“That was the...first time I...” He trailed off looking away. Ken cocked his head. First time as in _ever_ or first time as in with someone else? In either case; he was honored.

“So I didn't hurt you?” He asked, brushing sweaty hair from Aya's face.

“Not once.” The redhead whispered wrapping his arms around Ken's neck and pulling him close. “Thank you.” The words were so quiet Ken almost didn't hear. The brunette fought back tears and kissed Aya gently.

“I love you.” He whispered against the younger man's lips.

“I believe you.” Aya whispered back, kissing him softly. “I love you too.”

 

**Learning To Live**

 

Aya was bored. _Extremely_ bored. It had been almost a month since he'd killed...well more like _destroyed_ Mau. His body was completely healed and his mind was on the mend. That was thanks to Ken though. He knew that if he didn't have the brunette he would still be a wreck. He sighed thinking of his lover. The older man was with Daisuke and Alanna on a mission. Aya had been left at the apartment with Rika who was doing her homework and complaining loudly that it was too hard. Everything about the teenage girl was loud; from her hair and clothing to her personality. Aya was up in the bedroom he shared with Ken. Rika was downstairs in the kitchen and he could still hear her with the door closed. “I hate this!!” He heard the girl shriek then there was a loud crash. Aya swore softly to himself and put his book away. He wasn't going to get any peace until she had finished so he got up and went downstairs.

“You are entirely too loud.” He grumbled as he walked into the kitchen where she was shoving her school books off the table to crash onto the floor.

“This is more fun than doing the homework.” She said cheerfully, picking the books up and setting them back on the table so she could push them off again. He caught them before they hit the floor. “Damn you're quick.” He shrugged setting the books on the table and walked to the stove. As he set the kettle on to boil water for tea he felt movement behind him. Spinning, he snatched the pencil zooming towards his head out of the air. Rika giggled. “Ken-chan wouldn't have caught that.”

Aya spun the pencil around his fingers absently as he looked at the tiny girl. It was hard to believe she was an accomplished assassin, but Ken had told him she'd been born into the life. Her parents had both been assassins and when they were killed; Rika had been devastated. She had then taken on her parents mantle to avenge them,which she had..with Kritiker's help.

She had almost perfect aim and excellent reflexes. She also had a personality that went well with her cover and a small frame that enabled her to to both make little to no sound and hide. Another pencil came flying towards him. He flicked the pencil in his fingers at it. The two pencils collided in mid air shattering to pieces. “Holy pony lords.” Rika breathed. “That was awesome Aya-san.” She clapped furiously. “How did you do that?”

“Reflex.” Aya shrugged. “Omi is better at that than I am though.”

“Omi-sama?”

“He used to be with Ken, Youji, and I in Weiss.” Aya replied. “His specialty was darts.”

“Wow. I was wondering where you and Ken-chan had met. No one tells me anything.” Her lips turned down in a pout then her brow furrowed. “Or they told me and I forgot.” Behind him the kettle began whistling. Aya hesitated before turning his back on Rika and set about making tea for both of them.

“Now.” He said, handing her a steaming cup. “What has got you so riled up?”

“What? Oh!” She grabbed one of her school books and opened it. “I'm really bad at math so I hate it.” Aya sat down next to her and pulled the book towards him. For the next hour he carefully guided her through each of the problems. She got more and more excited as she began to understand. On the last problem, which also was the hardest, he stayed quiet and sipped his tea as he watched her work through it on her own. She performed beautifully and was still running around the kitchen celebrating when the three other members of Aoi returned home.

They walked in just as she was about to throw her arms around Aya. In a smooth, practiced move he slipped out of her path. Yup, she was just like Omi. The thought almost made him smile. For the first time in almost four years he felt normal. “Ken-chan!” Rika threw herself at the brunette laughing. “Aya-kun helped me understand math!!” Kun? The redhead cocked his head. What happened to the san she had used an hour ago? Daisuke and Ken were grinning at her antics. Alanna was staring at Aya like he'd grown a second head.

“The psycho helped you with your homework?” The severe looking blonde woman asked incredulously. Aya stiffened in anger. Psycho? Did this bitch know that he could kill her in less than a second using just his thumb nail? To his surprise Rika slapped her.

“He's not a psycho, Lanna!” She cried. “He just had a really bad day!” Aya laughed. A bad day? That was the understatement of the century. He shook his head still smiling. The smile disappeared when he noticed they were _all_ now staring at him like he'd grown that second head, well except Ken. Desire heated the brunette's brown eyes forcing Aya to beat a hasty retreat back to the bedroom lest he be mauled right there in the kitchen.

“Write the report Dai.” He heard Ken shout as he raced after Aya. He caught the redhead just as he got inside the bedroom. In the next second he had Aya pinned to the bed and was straddling his waist. “You're so beautiful.” The older man whispered against Aya's lips before kissing him. The swordsman could feel the older man's erection against his stomach and shivered in anticipation.

So far they hadn't had sex, but they had been working up to it. They had spent hours exploring each others bodies. Aya had become more and more comfortable with Ken touching him and as long as he was expecting it he never flinched away. The brunette seemed to understand this so he never came at Aya from behind and was always making sure to go slowly so that he could see if he made the younger man uncomfortable.

Tonight he knew he was ready to become one with Ken. To test his theory he used his legs to reverse their positions. When Ken's erection pressed at his entrance through their clothes he closed his eyes and felt nothing but heat. Heat that pooled in his center and radiated outwards through his body. He felt no disgust or apprehension, only anticipation. He opened his eyes and smiled down at Ken. The brunette's eyes widened, darkening with desire.

“I'm ready.” Aya murmured, needlessly, leaning down to kiss the man he loved more than life itself. He was half expecting Ken to rush into preparing him, but as always the brunette chose to move slowly and Aya loved him for it. First their clothes fell to the floor, all the while Ken was kissing and caressing him. The older man then carefully laid Aya on his back and took a jar of lube from his nightstand. He laid on his side next to Aya and kissed him long and hard.

“If it hurts tell me to stop and I will.” Ken murmured. Aya nodded and tried to relax as his lover coated three fingers in lube and reached between his legs. The first finger went in without a problem. “Relax Aya.” Ken kissed his neck then his lips. As a second finger slid into him he felt a twinge of discomfort. He moaned as the fingers inside him began to scissor and twist. He was wondering when Ken was going to insert the next one when an intense wave of pleasure rocked through him. His body arched off the bed as Ken continued to rub the same spot sending wave after wave of heat running through him. Aya writhed in pleasurable torment and barely felt the third finger enter him.

He groaned as Ken stretched him. When the fingers left him he laid there panting and feeling empty. He watched through half open eyes as Ken knelt between his legs and applied lube to his cock. Before entering him Ken leaned down and kissed him gently then slowly began to push into him. Aya gasped in pain and with the feeling something dark within him breaking free. He could feel Ken stopping and knew he was about to pull out, but Aya _wanted_ this and was _not_ about to let a little thing like physical pain stop it. “I'm sorry Aya I-” The swordsman growled and swiftly reversed their positions. “Aya don't-” Ken broke off as Aya swiftly sheathed the length of his erection within him.

 

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Ken watched Aya's head fall back his mouth open in a soundless cry. _Shit_. The brunette was about to panic then Aya looked at him and he was frozen in place staring into amethyst eyes darkened in desire and something else. He wasn't sure what it was then all thought left him as the swordsman began rocking his hips. “I need you Ken.” The brunette rolled them so that he was once again on top and drove his cock deep into the man beneath him. Aya clutched at his back arcing into him.

“I was trying to go slow you know.” Ken groaned as he pistoned his hips.

“Slow sucked.” Aya moaned in reply. “I- Fuck!” The swordsman cut off in a hiss, letting Ken know he'd found just the right spot. He shifted his hold on Aya's legs and began to pound into him mercilessly. He saw Aya biting his lip and could feel nails digging into his back. Ken increased his pace straining to hold off his own climax until Aya had had his. Suddenly the swordsman's muscles clenched around him and Aya came with a soft cry. Ken came seconds later shouting his release.

He collapsed against his lover gasping for air. Aya clung to him much in the same state. After a moment Ken gathered himself to roll off. His little redhead had other plans though. He pushed Ken onto his back but went with him so that he was once again on top with Ken's cock buried deep within him. The brunette moaned as Aya slowly undulated his hips. “I never knew it could be like this.” Aya murmured letting his head fall back as he moved. Ken watched him and felt his cock stiffen. Aya must have felt it too because he moaned softly and increased his movements.

“God you're beautiful.” The brunette gasped. He loved watching Aya pleasure himself on his cock. His movements were graceful and unhurried. His muscles rippled and flexed. The sight was intoxicating. Ken reached down and began massaging Aya's growing erection. The swordsman gasped then moaned and rocked his hips harder. Ken moved his hips against Aya's movements increasing the speed and friction. Aya whimpered reaching down to grip Ken's thighs. Ken eyed the curve of his body and groaned. He was so close. “Fuck, Aya, I'm already...nngh.” He shoved upwards as he came. Aya gasped, leaning forward as he also came.

They collapsed together in sweaty heap, breathing heavily. Ken carefully pulled out of his lover then got up and went into the bathroom to get a wash cloth. He smiled at Aya, who was desperately trying not to fall asleep as he cleaned the semen from both their bodies. The brunette then climbed back into bed and pulled Aya close, wrapping his arms around the smaller man. No words were spoken as they laid there in the darkening twilight. They didn't need any. Both knew how the other felt so the silence was comfortable, soothing even. This was what happiness felt like. Ken smiled and pressed his lips to a now sleeping Aya's forehead then laid back and closed his eyes. As he drifted off to sleep he allowed himself to relax his hold on Aya, secure in the knowledge that when he woke the redhead would still be there. Now and for all the mornings to come.

 

 


End file.
